A mile down the country road that our neighborhood sits off of, there is a house that we refer to as "The Pirate House." We call it this because they fly the Jolly Roger flag on the tall flag pole in their front yard.
Let me just start by saying that this house is not exactly what I'd call the lap of luxury. As a matter of fact, I'd call it a crap hole. It sits on a very large lot, which is also a crap hole. I seriously have the urge to sneak over there with the dumpster in the middle of the night, just to get rid of the garbage.
The fun part of The Pirate House, though, is the literal menagerie of animals that live there. I kid you not when I say it changes on a daily basis! I wish that the house didn't sit on a dangerous S curve in the road, because I want more than a quick glance into the backyard each time I pass by.
When we first moved here 2 1/2 years ago, there were the goats. One brown and one white. For funsies, we like to name the animals. I'm sure by we, you'd assume me and my children, but you'd be wrong here. J, my sister Laura and I are the masterminds behind the names. We call the goats Rhonda and Wyatt. We loved to see them standing on top of whatever crap was laying around the yard.
Then Junior arrived. Junior is a mini horse. Next came Dale, a pot-bellied pig.
When winter came, the we never saw the animals anymore. Laura joked that they were probably in the house for the season. Absurd, right?? Except come Spring, they were all back.
Junior, by some sort of luck, moved to the cow pasture at a neighboring farm. I guess he didn't fit inside the house. He's living the good life in the green fields now, with all of his cow friends. Every once in awhile, I see him standing at the fence right up at the road, seemingly having a lovely conversation with a horse standing at his fence at the horse farm on the other side of the street.
The chickens arrived that Spring. I have no idea how many. They escape the fence frequently. A few have met untimely deaths from passing vehicles.
Another winter passed. The animals disappeared, then returned come Spring.
We can't keep up with the names of all of our animal neighbors anymore. A couple of months ago, my mom told me that she saw a big pink pig at The Pirate House. Weeks went by and I never saw such a pig. But with all the crap laying around that yard, it's easy to miss things. Yes, even giant pigs. I finally saw the giant pink pig we named Gert walking around with Dale. Only since then, I discovered that it wasn't Dale, but another big black pig. As yet unnamed.
The kicker came last week, guys. As I was coming around that S curve, glancing as I always do into the crap hole, I couldn't believe my eyes, and I seriously couldn't wait to get home to share the news.
"J! You're NEVER going to believe what I saw at The Pirate House today. They got a YAK. I don't think I'm going crazy. I don't know what else that thing could be. I swear, it's a YAK!"
A few days later, I drove by again, and realized that they hadn't gotten a yak. They'd gotten TWO yaks!
Please believe me when I say that although it is a large lot of land I'm talking about, it is in no way a farm. It's a big ass yard, littered with God only knows what. Garbage, toys, broken down household appliances, old furniture, and what must certainly be a huge amount of feces. Guys, I don't know why the pirates down the street need all these animals, but they are an endless source of amusement for me.
My guess is that they don't want to cut their grass or clean up after themselves. The yaks will probably take care of the lawn maintenance, and the goats and pigs will probably eat all kinds of junk from the yard. The chickens just might be dinner.
Yo ho ho, mateys.